~PK’s Jokes~

A  guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little  perch. It doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ‘Jeesh, I  wonder what happened to this parrot?’

The  parrot says, ‘I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.’

‘Holy  crap,’ the guy replies. ‘You actually understood and answered me!’

‘I  got every word,’ says the parrot. ‘I happen to be a highly intelligent  thoroughly educated bird.’

‘Oh  yeah?’ the guy asks, ‘Then answer this — how do you hang onto your  perch without any feet?’

‘Well,’  the parrot says, ‘this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap  my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it  because of my feathers.’

‘Wow,’  says the guy. ‘You really can understand and speak English can’t  you?’

‘Actually,  I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable  competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics,  philosophy. I’m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy  me. I’d be a great companion.’

The  guy looks at the $20000 price tag. ‘Sorry, but I just can’t afford  that.’

‘Pssssssst,’  says the parrot, ‘I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause  I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the  guy an offer!’

The  guy offers $20 and walks out with the  parrot..

Weeks  go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he’s  interesting, he’s a great pal, he understands everything, he  sympathizes, and he’s insightful. The guy is delighted.

One  day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, ‘Psssssssssssst,’  and motions him over with one wing. ‘I don’t know if I should tell you  this or not, but it’s about your wife and the postman.’

‘What  are you talking about?’ asks the guy.

‘When  the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door  in a sheer black nightie.’

‘WHAT???’  the guy asks incredulously. ‘THEN what happened?’

‘Well,  then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began  petting her all over,’ reported the parrot.

‘NO!’  he exclaims. ‘And she let him?’

‘Yes.  Then he continued taking off the nightie! , go t down on his knees and  began to kiss her all over….’

Then  the frantic guy demands, ‘THEN WHAT HAPPENED?’

‘Damned  if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my  perch!’

If  this doesn’t make you laugh, you’re having a really bad day  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A family that lives on the outskirts of Anchorage , Alaska decided to build a sturdy, colorful playground for their 3 and 4 year old sons.
They lined the bottom with smooth-stone gravel all around to avoid knee scrapes and other injuries. They finished building it one Friday evening and were very pleased with the end  product.
The following morning, the mom was about to wake up the boys and have them go out to play in their new play center. This is what she saw from the upstairs window:

This gives a whole new meaning to ‘ build it and they will come! ‘

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, “What are you up to?”

Alice smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!”

Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot”. Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn’t bag an elephant — much less a deer.

But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, “Have you done your chores yet?”

“No,” replies the boy, “but could I have breakfast first?”

“You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs.”

The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.

Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, “Where’s my eggs, my milk and my sausage?”

“Well,” says his mother, “I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don’t get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don’t get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don’t get any sausage.”

Just then, the boy’s father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, “Should I tell him now, or do you want to?

Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, “What where you doing in the pond after midnight?”

“I was blowing bubbles.” The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. “Judge, I was blowing bubbles.”

He then called in duck number three and said, “So let me quess you were blowing bubbles too?”

“No, I’m Bubbles.”

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER’S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER’S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER’S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969.”

The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog crap, 20 feet back.”

Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.

His partner says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!”

His friend replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!”

Wishing you
In your busy life,

Time   for Relaxation

Good  Sleep

Good  Health  with Exercise

Someone  to  Dance With

..  a Bit of  Adventure

Good   Looks

But  Most of  All …

I Wish You Lots of Bear Hugs

And  The  Comforts of Real Love

Many   Blessings…


May   you always have love to share, health to spare, and friends  that  care.

But  watch out for those darn

penguins!

Do  you ever feel like doing this to someone?

This Is AMAZING!!!
Until now I never fully understood how to tell The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now.

Below are Two Birds. Study them closely…See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female.
It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. !