~PK’s Jokes~

A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road.

At the same time a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road.

When they narrowly pass each other at high speed,
The woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts, ‘HORSE!’

Immediately the man shouts back, ‘WITCH.’

The man laughs.

He is proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his speed.

Moral of the story:

Men never listen, and when they do, they don’t understand one word a woman says.

Believe in yourself

……And Close Your Eyes

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were
little:

Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her environmentally green castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess’ lap
and said: ” Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. ”
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sauteed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don’t think so.

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

(She was annoyed by his behavior).

Shortly before landing in New York, she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, ‘Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?’

Not one hand went up. –So, she took them home and ate them herself.

(Men never learn)

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)

“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her

“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“For reading a book?” she responds.

“But you’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her again.

“Again officer, I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”

“I’m still going to have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

Tipping his hat he says, “Have a nice day madam,” and quickly motors away.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. Likely she can also think.

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about

the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too

much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage

door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped

into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive

me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am

enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX

BE SURE AND SCROLL PAST THE PICTURE

P.S . Your girlfriend called.

There is a new study just released by the American

Psychiatric Association about women and how they

feel about their asses. The results can be broken

down in top three groups are pretty interesting:

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too
small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don’t care; they love
him; he’s a good man and they would have married
him anyway.

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden,

God came to visit

have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and

I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on

branches and snagging them on bushes.

I do hate to complain

but, they’re a real pain,” reported Eve.

Eve went on to tell God that since many

other parts of her

body came in pairs, such as her limbs,

eyes, ears, etc, she

felt that having just two breasts might

leave her body more

“symmetrically balanced.”

“That’s a fair point,” replied God,

“But it was my first shot at

this, you know. I gave the animals

six breasts, so I figured

that you needed only half of those,

but I see that you are

right. I will fix it up right away.”

And God reached down, removed the

middle breast and

tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again

visited Eve in the

Garden of Eden.

“Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?”

“Just fantastic,” she replied,

but for one oversight.

“You see,

all the animals are paired off. The ewe

has a ram, and the

cow has her bull. All the animals

have a mate except me.

Sometimes I feel so alone.”

God thought for a moment and said,

“You know, Eve, you are

right. How could I have overlooked this?

You do need a mate

and I will immediately create a man

from a part of you. Now

let’s see, where did I put

that useless boob?”

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that stuff about

the rib?