The ‘Annotated’ Christmas Song
THE (ANNOTATED) CHRISTMAS SONG
Chestnuts (a funny synonym for “boobies”) roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost (and, more importantly, Jack Daniels) nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir (ha, sounds like “queer”),
And folks dressed up like Eskimos (although that term is considered pejorative in Canada and Greenland, so make sure to refer to them as “Inuits” and not “Eskimos” if you ever find yourself caroling in either country).
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe (and, as we mentioned before, Jack Daniels),
Help to make the season bright (and, ironically, fill it with blackouts).
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow (Someone should probably put the Jack on a higher shelf.),
Will find it hard to sleep tonight. (Mommy, why is the room spinning?)
They know that Santa’s on his way (because their parents have willfully misled them for years);
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh (and let’s hope that’s all he’s loaded with — seriously, can you imagine the collateral damage from Santa getting a DUI?)
And every mother’s child is going to spy (No one tell Scooter Libby!),
To see if reindeer really know how to fly. (Spanish fly?)
And so I’m offering this simple phrase (The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick),
To kids from one to ninety-two (hey 93-year-olds: SCREW YOU).
Although it’s been said many times, many ways (Upside down, naked, and covered in molasses?),
Merry Christmas to you (unless you’re a Jew).
Tags: Christmas song, joke