~PK’s Jokes~

Man Builds Noah’s Ark (exact scale given in Bible)

Working Replica of Noah’s Ark Opened In SCHAGEN, Netherlands . The
massive central door in the side of Noah’s Ark was opened the first
crowd of curious townsfolk to behold the wonder. Of course, it’s
only a replica of th e biblical Ark , built by Dutch Creationist
Johan Huibers as a testament to his faith in the literal truth of
the Bible.

The ark is 150 cubits long, 30 cubits high and 20 cubits wide.
That’s two-thirds the length of a football field and as high as a
three-story house. Life-size models of giraffes, elephants, lions,
crocodiles, zebras, bison and other animals greet visitors as they
arrive in the main hold. A contractor by trad e, Huibers built the
ark of cedar and pine. Biblical Scholars debate exactly what the
wood used by Noah would have been.

Huibers did the work mostly with his own hands, using modern tools
and with occasional help from his son Roy. Construction began in
May 2005. On the uncovered top deck - not quite ready in time for
the opening - will come a petting zoo, with baby lambs and
chickens, and goats, and one camel.

Visitors on the first day were stunned. ‘It’s past comprehension’,
said Mary Louise Starosciak, who happened to be bicycling by with
her husband while on vacation when they saw the ark looming over
the local landscape.

‘I knew the story of Noah, but I had no idea the boat would have
been so big.’ There is enough space near the keel for a 50-seat
film theater where kids can watch a video that tells the story of
Noah and his ark.

Huibers, a Christian man, said he hopes the
project will renew interest in Christianity in the Netherlands ,
where church going has fallen dramatically in the past 50 years.

Now that I am old and gray…give me the time to tell this new
generation (and their children too) about all your mighty miracles. Psalm 71:18

Read all the way to the end!

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:
‘ Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. ‘

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: ‘ You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. ‘

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

‘ Noah! He roared, I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark? ‘
‘ Forgive me, Lord, ‘ begged Noah, ‘ but things have changed.

‘ I needed a building permit.

‘ I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

‘ My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

‘ Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

‘ Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

‘ When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.

‘ Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

‘ I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

‘ Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

‘ The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

‘ To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

‘ So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.. .’

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
‘ You mean you’re not going to destroy the world? ‘

‘ No, ‘ said the Lord.
‘ The government beat me to it. ‘

NOAH
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:
‘ Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. ‘

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: ‘ You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. ‘

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

‘ Noah! He roared, I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark? ‘
‘ Forgive me, Lord, ‘ begged Noah, ‘ but things have changed.

‘ I needed a building permit.

‘ I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

‘ My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

‘ Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

‘ Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

‘ When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.

‘ Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

‘ I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.

‘ Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

‘ The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

‘ To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

‘ So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.. .’

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
‘ You mean you’re not going to destroy the world? ‘

‘ No, ‘ said the Lord.
‘ The government beat me to it. ‘